Hey Bobby - how are ya? I know I promised to call - but still can't talk. Slept till 4:00 today. Can you believe it!! Obviously needed real sleep, since last few days the only way I've slept is with Nyquil.
So - as you remember, Benny came up with an out of town wedding at the last minute as to why we wouldn't be able to spend much time together and I suspicioned that he had a date, or why wouldn't he have asked me to go with him. He just said he would meet me at the MUSIC dance. So I emailed and said, oh well, if you don't have time for me then forget it - maybe next time - and changed my reservations to come in on Saturday and leave Monday. Didn't hear back BUT meanwhile, after I'd already left home he sent an email with another bomb which I never got cause I'm already on an airplane.
So I stay at a hotel - call up my stepbrother and stepmother and have a relaxing Saturday night with candles pampering myself, and a lovely day on Sunday visiting with the two of them. The dance starts at 6:00 (haven't heard from Ben) and I get ready and go over.
Dance is lovely - lots of people there (none of our old friends unfortunately - they just don't know them, so didn't think to make special invite. I think I'm gonna try and put together a special reunion this summer though, when you and I can go). But Rich S. (the old flirt) was there, and a few other of the old St. Louis Imperial crowd, along with about 300 others. They had dinner and introductions - no ceremony. Stan G. was president after me, so he and his new wife were there and I hung with them. Plenty of dancing. About 8:30 - in walks Benny. I was sitting with Stan and he just walks right up and sits down beside me, pretty as you please. My expression is as you would expect - straight on - one eyebrow up quizzically. His was a "got back later than expected, wanted to come over, so here I am". Asked me if I'd gotten his email, and I said no, I left before it would have arrived - what was it - he sort of hmmmed and haaawed and said oh well, not important. We danced - then slow danced, then sat and looked at the board of pictures I'd made of the old members and reminisced some. Then I mentioned I had brought back some things he had loaned me but they were at the hotel, and HE suggested he come to the hotel after the dance to pick them up. Finished the evening talking, dancing with ourselves and others. He followed me back after the dance ended at 10:00 pm and well....you can guess the rest.
I had gotten some candles so we lit them (had no music but we could make our own). He said "I don't want to leave you" and I said "I can't leave you". We each know this about each other. He was going to go home home that evening cause he needed to be at work by 8:30, but didn't - we just set an early alarm. Even in a queen, he takes up all the bed - so I couldn't sleep, just let him hold me while he slept. By the time we could part in the morning he didn't get to work until 10:00 am.. I finally got a couple hours sleep before he called me as an alarm to say goodbye, then I left to catch the plane home.
The email was there for me but I was a little afraid to open it so I emailed and said - do you want me to read it? He sent me another which said: "Read the email. It's not that big a deal. Basically it said I can't sleep with you while you're living with someone else. But easier said than done, isn't it. I ended up sleeping with you the very next day! So my spirit is willing but my flesh is very weak."
And of course, the typical "My hands miss you" email later in the week. Ah....Bobby....and mine miss him. But could we actually live together? I'm not so sure.....I love him, and I love the physicality of him and his big heart and his gentle soul.....but the religion part, and the always in therapy part? Whew.
Oh - and I was absolutely right about one thing. He handled the whole wedding thing pretty good until he made the mistake of saying "we" when describing the fact that folks in the next hotel room kept him up the night of the wedding. He knew I'd caught it so I just asked him straight out. He admitted to having made a date, then when he realized it was the same weekend as me, couldn't figure out how to cancel it. I said I'd already figured it out (I'm not dumb) and that if he had remembered I was sure he would have asked me to go with him - so there had to be someone else. Unfortunately - he goes on to tell me it's the girl he broke up with just before I started visiting him again last New Years. She's got plenty of religion (more than him) so maybe they're good for one another. I'm almost sure I will lose him to her at some point - but I know he won't be any more happy than he has been with anyone since me - just as I haven't ever been satisfied with anyone since him. How can we be so good for one another - and so bad?
Love you - see you soon
Anna
 |
| Get Your Own Map | View Larger Map |