Apparently, I'm a stupid, f****g idiot ONCE AGAIN

2004-12-05
07:54 p.m.

Ben

Again I make the same stupid dumb ridiculous mistake. A repetitive mistake - the kind of mistake everyone in these co-dependent relationships makes over and over and never seem to learn. Why would I believe that a leopard can change their spots or believe that he has a capability for growth and change.

A box needs to be sent to Morgan. He graciously agrees to put it in his truck as it's probably too big for my car and too heavy for me to lift comfortably. "Let me do that for you", he says, and does. How kind, how gracious, how nice. Now the plans have changed. The truck has to pick up people in the morning, they have luggage, etc. He wants the extra room. So I come home after 8 hours at the office on a Sunday - hours I don't particularly want to have spent there and he says "can't take the box, where do you want it". I say - well - in that case, in my car and I'll take it in.

So he puts it on the floor of the garage because I'm not helping him move it - I'm reprogramming the clock for the outside lights, getting the laundry from the dryer, and putting the dirty cups in from the office into the dishwasher. So, the hell with it, I go out, I lift it from the floor (mind you - this was a box for a computer monitor and weighs about 35 - 40 pounds), up over and into my trunk and push it into the car.

Apparently I had the audacity to suggest it go in my car - and the added cheek to not help him move it. AND - he adds - the extra special audacity not to set up the training room, get the donuts and coffee, and otherwise do the tasks needed to accomplish the training sessions next week (ah - here's where the real anger lies isn't it - he had to take responsibility for doing those things because I simply didn't).

"you didn't even set up your own training room - all the other trainers did it, and didn't expect me to do any of it" he fumes.

"well", I argue, "those trainers were employees, paid an annual salary, and chose to take on that responsibility. I really didn't think you wanted to pay me an hourly rate to go buy donuts or set up tables and chairs. You are hiring me to do the training. This is, after all YOUR company, and your training room and you are getting the income from those sessions."

I won't digress with the rest, but needless to say (and I'm calmer now) I GOTTA LEARN!!! Not only should I not ask for assistance for anything - I shouldn't accept it when it's offered. It just bites me in the butt over and over and over and over again. And no issue can ever be the one at hand. It has to be this one, and the one from yesterday, and last week, and last month - and sometimes from two years ago cause....."you ALWAYS......"

AAARGH!! I'm reminded once again why I am leaving. And what I really want to do is go sit in the middle of the bathroom, shut the door, and have a good cry.

Thanks for listening. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Anna

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