Dearest Diary,
Just got off the phone. Benny called to wish me a goodnight and sing me to sleep. With words I will never understand and visions I cannot comprehend.
"I can't promise you anything" he says, then proceeds to picture how we would talk about our day before we sleep. He would want me across his chest, he says, our day moving from one mouth to the next, sharing the same breath.
"And will we still hold hands when we walk together at 90" he said. "will you still want me."
But he can't promise. Or ask. And feels he must warn me of the committment phobia and that it will never be what I want.
What do I want....yes....what do I want. Relationships are not what you see on TV are they. They are not a movie that always ends with the big kiss. After so many, many years, perhaps he is just a bad habit I should learn to break.
Your friend,
Anna
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