Time Enough for Love

2005-04-06
3:53 p.m.

R rated material follows

Anna sat quietly in the waning sunshine of the clear spring day. It had been a full day, yet there had been time to dig down and plant some new flowers into the damp earth. The slight breeze was a welcome draft of coolness over her face and she let her head drop back.

She didn�t hear Ben come up behind her. "Anna," he murmured softly, "The sun is down. Aren�t you chilled? Please, come inside. I�ve opened some wine and I have the movie ready."

Anna lifted her face to his. Her eyes were still closed but her brilliant smile at hearing his voice made his heart lurch in his breast.

"I�m ready. It was just so nice here in the sun." she said sleepily. "And I am cold and ready for a glass of good wine.�. Her eyes opened and met his as she continued, �and are you all so sure you are up for a chick flick tonight?�

Ben smiled in his own winsome way. �I agreed, didn�t I? And what makes you think I don�t do �chick flicks� anyway. We�ve watched many a tearjerker together.�

She smiled again, then rose from her chair, allowing him to place the good glass of merlot in her hand. As he closed the door she went into the darkened living room, noticing the movie was already in and waiting. Ben came around to sit on the couch, his back against the arm, his right leg up against the back, his left foot on the floor waiting for her to settle in. Anna sat happily between his legs, her back against him and he pulled her in tightly, bringing his left leg up to cuddle her close.

Ben reached out for the clicker.

As the credits rolled, Anna gulped her tears down. Ben had held her close, caressed her often as the actors and actresses told the story. Two lovers, divided by time, space and family. Years later they find each other, and, still in love, she leaves her fianc� for him. They are old now, and disease has taken its toll. She doesn�t remember him. He tells her their story each day, reading from the notebook he has kept. Sometimes she comes back to him and they dance together until she slips away. At last, in each other�s arms, they go to their rest.

"It�s frightening. The whatifs we all have to live with. They consume me.�

�Anna, none of us can know our allotted span of time. We must have faith in the future, yes, but we can only live each day..."

"And what of possibilities, Ben?" she interrupted. "What of all the dreams of someday? Even if there is enough faith what if there isn�t enough time?"

"What is it you are trying to say, Anna?"

"Ben, can�t you tell me?"

"Tell you ... what, Anna?" He was genuinely puzzled by the turn this conversation had just taken. He'd thought they were talking of the movie, but they now seemed to be talking about...themselves.

"Oh, Ben, can't you understand? We have faith in our dreams, but our dreams could be taken from us in an instant, and then what would we have? You and I have been through some terrible moments - each of us has been near death, and only by grace and good fortune do we sit together tonight on this couch. It could so easily not be the case."

Alarmed now by the tone of her voice, Ben began, "You mustn't say such things..."

"Why not?" she asked, searching his eyes. "Every word I've said is true. I could be here now, alone, contemplating the bleakness of a future without you. Yet we shy away from our truths. We fear to express them. We are so certain we have time. But what if we were as certain we had no time left, Ben? What if tonight was all we had? What if tonight was our last night together. What would you say to me then?"

He was still unsure of what Anna wanted from him, what response she wished to hear. "What are you asking, Anna? Do you wish me to...unburden...the secrets of my soul to you, here and now?�

"No, Ben, I don't need to hear your secrets, but I long to hear your truths. What do you want for us? What do you need from me?"

Now he felt panic clutch at his heart. He thought he understood what Anna was asking him, and he began to tremble inwardly from both the magnitude of the request and the unexpected urgency he heard in her words. This isn�t the time, he thought desperately. I�m not ready! Anna, what you ask I cannot give, not yet, not now!

Anna stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, as though trying desperately to will him to make some small move - toward love. But he said nothing more. He could not face the fierce onslaught of her need, or the great possibility of disappointing her.

For a moment, Anna just lay there, staring at him. Then her eyes closed, her shoulders sagged, and she sighed heavily. It seemed to Ben as if a candle had been blown out in his heart, and the cold empty space left in its place chilled him. Still, he felt he had to explain.

"I cannot, Anna. I am truly sorry."

She nodded once, as if accepting an unhappy fact, then snuggled once more into him. Maybe, she thought, this night had been the ultimate test; if he would ever say it, it would have been tonight, when her need had been overwhelming, urgent, and desperate. All of these years, she had thought he wanted her as much as she wanted him, but that their individual circumstances, his natural reserve and fear of commitment had prevented him from coming back to her. Perhaps she was assuming the desire for a future where there was none.

Could it be that Ben truly meant it when he talked of friendship, and her attempts to deepen their relationship made him uncomfortable because he simply didn't have those feelings for her, and he was too much of a gentleman to tell her? That must be it. Oh God, Anna! What a mess you�ve made of things. You�ve invested your soul in this dream, and it�s hollow at its core.

"Anna, it�s just that we haven�t been in that place�.�

�Shush,� Anna interrupted by placing her fingertips upon his lips. �I asked too much. I sometimes think I must be a terrible burden to you. Just make love to me and hold me tight." She realized sadly that he had said all he could say. At that realization, something long-nurtured and much cherished died within her. That's it. That's all. Accept it. You are his beloved friend. Nothing more.

Ben nodded, knowing he had not said what she wanted to hear, but encouraged by her request. He would give her all he could. He stood and pulled her up to him. He was much taller than her. It was one of the things she loved so much. When he stood against her she felt like a small delicate woman. Taking her face in his hands he kissed her with as much passion as she had ever had from him. It struck a chord in Anna's heart. He wasn�t trying to be unkind. Sighing, she relented. It isn�t his fault if he doesn't love you the way you love him, so you had better take what you can get. The alternative doesn't bear thinking about.

He kissed her again and again, running his hands through her hair, holding her, tracing his fingers around her neck and across her cheek. Delicately touching his tongue to her lips, her eyes, and searching for her own when he reached her mouth again. And as she gazed into those extraordinary, seemingly depthless eyes, they suddenly spoke to her of a longing and a hunger she had finally convinced herself he did not truly feel. Those eyes gave silent testimony to his immense and untamable desire to become one with her.

"Anna ... I need to love you," Ben whispered in a voice made raw and strained with the force of the emotion charging through him.

Surrendering herself completely, Anna collapsed into Ben's ardent embrace tears in her eyes. He buried his face against the nape of her neck as he enveloped her within his arms, pressing her closer still against him.

Holding him tightly, she murmured into his ear, "Whatever you want from me, however you want it, it is here for you and always will be."

After a time, Anna gently disengaged from his arms as he moved to light the candles in the bedroom and put on their music. Then he held out his arms to her once again and she came towards him. Ben knelt before her, unzipping, unbuttoning, and finally, removing everything that stood in his way. With a kiss and a promise for more, he rose and his own clothes joined hers on the floor.

Anna stood before him marveling once again at the planes of his face, the muscles in his arms and shoulders, the curve of his bottom and the strength of his legs. And she could see he admired the same of her. She moved her shoulders back to show her breasts at their best advantage and, noticing the action, Ben gave her a mischievous smile.

Ben reached quickly down to pick her up and as he held her, she placed her cheek against his chest. �This is where I want to be� she thought. He laid her gently on the bed, moving between her legs to kneel above her. He began to stroke her arms and shoulders, and to trace the outlines of her breasts and down her stomach. He was taking his time, lulling and exciting her in equal measure, as if nothing else existed in the universe but the two of them. He touched her gently between the forest of dark hairs, stroking and teasing ever so softly.

Finally he leaned down until he was resting on his knees and forearms, his body just brushing hers. With excruciating deliberation, he moved above her, stroking her body with his chest , her taut nipples grazing over his sensitized skin, as he placed breathtakingly tender kisses upon her breasts, the long column of her neck, and lastly, upon the remarkable feminine features of her face.

Anna could not help but notice that Ben's passions were already aroused to a fever pitch, but that he was forcing himself to go slowly, to wait for her. She knew him well enough to know that he could hold himself back for as long a time as they needed.

He held her close against him, reveling in the intoxication of her bare skin against his, hungry for more, willing his heart to still its mad racing so that he could savor this singular feeling. The fire of passion jolted through him like an electric charge freed from restraint.

Ben devoured Anna's mouth as no other man ever had, or ever would. She was undone by the power of his kiss, by the voluptuousness of his ardor, and by the fierceness of his urgency. He was consuming her, overwhelming her senses, as he tasted every part of her, moving from her mouth to her neck, to her shoulders, to her breasts, the curve of her hips, her nether lips, in an orgy, a frenzy of desire. Her taste was an ecstasy he could find no where else, with no one else. She gladly gave up control to him and allowed herself, finally, to succumb to the rapture his maddened blood had aroused in her. Rational thought slipped away as her erotic power took over.

For a timeless interlude, they knew nothing of the world beyond the rapturous entwining of their bodies. Anna skirmished lovingly to indulge in her own explorations, proclaiming her own potent desire in her claiming of his body with her mouth and hands. But Ben's need was too emphatic, and he could not long endure her ardent attentions when he had compulsions of his own driving him to consume every sweetness her body offered. And so they contended in an erotic duet, giving and taking in a blissful frenzy of passion and joy.

Incredible as they were the sensations could not quench the thirst for ultimate fulfillment. The craving for completion grew too intense to be denied. Anna watched as Ben loomed above her, devouring her with his eyes, his hands compulsively stroking her, caressing her, familiar with each inch of her flesh and her soul. His body was on fire, tensed and waiting. She knew what little composure he retained was cracking under the irresistible urges compelling him to possess her fully, to become one with her. She- reached for him then, pushing him over the edge into erotic abandon with her words.

"God, you're magnificent, Ben! I need to feel you deep inside of me. Please, come to me now?"

Ben arched against her, almost startled that his substantial thickness and length plunged so easily within her, reveling in the feeling of her seeing and holding him, her moist depths welcoming and encouraging him further. He gave everything to her then, his body a metaphor for the immeasurable rapture of his soul. Their joining was forceful and intense, gentle and profound, and their orgasms shattered them against the shore of their longing. The bond between their souls overpowered them, magnifying the intensity until they were inundated with a paralyzing euphoria of spiritual union as intense as their physical one.

Orgasmic aftershocks shuddered through both of them, and they clung to each other and rode the diminishing waves until they were spent. Ben was astonished to find he could not pull away, or even loosen his hold upon Anna in the aftermath of their loving. At that very moment he wanted never to relinquish her to the world again, nor to ever disengage himself from her. Anna held him fast against her, inside of her, and he knew that it was the same for her. Their joyous tears mingled together as they pressed ecstatic kisses on each other�s cheeks, murmuring sweet nothings, accepting the breath from each other�s mouths.

�Always and forever, my darling�.�

*********************

Ben reached out for the clicker.

As the credits rolled, Anna gulped her tears down. Ben had held her close, caressed her often as the actors and actresses told the story. Two lovers, divided by time, space and family. Years later they find each other, and, still in love, she leaves her fianc� for him. They are old now, and disease has taken its toll. At last, in each other�s arms, they go to their rest.

"It�s frightening. The whatifs we all have to live with. They consume me.�

�Anna, none of us can know our allotted span of time. We must have faith in the future, yes, but we can only live each day..."

"And what of possibilities, Ben?" she interrupted. "What of all the dreams of someday? Even if there is enough faith what if there isn�t enough time?"

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