ME, ME, ME

2005-05-10
10:31 a.m.


An interview with Anna:

1. Tell me about your childhood pets?
A turtle, a parakeet named Blue Boy, a Siamese cat named “Boo” and a cocker spaniel named Corky - an occasional visitor who would run away from his own home several miles across town to come see us. The first time he had gotten lost, but no one could ever explain the next four times.

2. Tell me about your adult pets?
Mostly cats. Kaz (18) and Azazel (16) passed away close together last year. Before them was Patches, wagged home as a stray by Michelle and destined to terrorize her hamsters. A gorgeous fully-trained German shepherd named Peter inherited from a friend and Ernst Stavro Blofeld – a five pound Oscar who lived in a 45 gallon tank and ate goldfish. Currently – Mango, a Jenday conure and a few miscellaneous fish.

3. Tell me about your husbands?
Three. The first was my daughter’s father. We married as seniors in high school and stayed together 2 years. It was what you did in those days when you were in “that way”. He drank. The second was five years later and lasted 8 years. He was Mister Clean – and remains a Great Dad to Michelle. The third was six years later and lasted two years. He drank and binged on cocaine. I haven’t married the fourth – but we’ve been living together 12 years. His only addiction is himself and that’s incurable.

4. Tell me about your lovers?
Ha Ha Ha – they are in the triple digits – maybe higher. Seriously. I understand the concept of casual sex.

5. Tell me about one wild place you’ve had sex?
In a DJ booth at a disco while 700 people danced on the floor. With the DJ. While he was spinning records (yes – there were records in those days). Fortunately, it was the extended play version.

6. Tell me about the great loves of your life?
I always thought there were three. The first was Jason, shortly after my first husband. We moved in together (his idea) almost immediately. It lasted a year and I was devastated. I moved to Chicago to escape the memories where I eventually met the second. He was an extraordinarily talented singer. He played 12-string guitar and wanted to “make it”. We moved to Hollywood and it lasted two years, longer than his career. He binged on hard drugs – PCP, heroin, Placidyl, Seconol. The third was Ben. And he lasted (in and out) for twenty five years.

7. Tell me something funny about the men in your life, and your pets?
I’m on a first date and he’s picking me up. My well-trained German shepherd Peter begins to bark when he hears the knock on the door. I point to the other side of the room and speak in loud tones “Lay down Peter, go lay down. Now.” I open the door to a very shocked, wide-eyed date – named “Peter”.

8. What would you change about the men in your life?
I wouldn’t change them. I’d change me. I’d learn why I pick ones that are so bad for me and why I don’t pick up on their addictions. I think the bingers are the hardest to pick up on unless someone takes pity on you and speaks up. (Hint – if you know someone in this situation – BE A FRIEND – and tell them what they’re in for when he falls off the wagon.)

9. Tell me one of your most embarrassing moments?
I’m at a vaudeville dinner theater where most of the acts are fall off your seat hilarious. I have one too many drinks. And get the guffaws. Which was fine when the acts were funny. A lone guitarist hits the stage and begins to sing a sad love song. I guess I thought it was going to get funnier cause I was drowning him out with my laughter. The waiter came over and asked me to please be quiet. Boy – was my face red.

The time I danced on the tables is another story.

10. What is your most disappointing childhood memory?
Two. When I was five I was bringing home a basket we had made in school for Mother's Day. I was so excited. On the way I noticed some spring daffodils and picked them to go into the basket. Mother made me go back and apologize. And threw away the basket.
When I was eight, we embroidered a tea towel for Mother’s Day. It was hard work, and a small towel so I embroidered “Mom”. Mother put it in the drawer with a tight smile, and it never came out.

I won’t discuss the times she would twist my arm, push me to the floor and kick me. “Cry, dammit”.

Ok, that’s enough for today. Next time we’ll discuss favorites.

To learn more about Anna, go here:

ME ME ME TOO

ME ME ME THREE

ME ME ME FOUR

101 Things

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