Changes in Attitude

2008-05-25
3:16 p.m.


To My Woman,

My Home
My Daughter
My Grandson
My Boyfriend
My Decisions
My Errors
My Successes
[MY] LIFE


~~ Gregory

An interesting series of events since the last entry.

First, Bastardo asked if I would use his real name. Certainly a lot different than the last co-star of this place, huh. So, may I introduce Gregory. Boyfriend, doctor, writer, philosopher and all around nice guy. And it allows me to give him proper credit for the above advice.

Secondly, things seem to have settled into � oh, I don�t know � settled? Seems like it�s a word I�ve used most of my life doesn�t it. I should be used to saying it. Settled.

There is no trust left. No respect. No mutual anything that caused me to come into this living arrangement. I believed Daughter knew I had done my best. Instead I find resentment. Perhaps she has just tolerated me all these years. And Son-in-Law who wrote in the Christmas card that he loved having me as a MIL. What kind of lie was that.

Because Son-in-law basically not speaking to me. The one email I got was to chastise me again for my choice of Gregory. Daughter barely speaking to me and mostly to continue to tell me I continue to be a bad mother by being a bad grandmother. Reminding me of her dear friend who has chosen not to date until she can find the perfect guy. Because she would not bring just anyone into her young son�s life.

Funny, I remember the dear girl saying she was dying to meet someone but just couldn�t figure out how to do it. And into his life? Who said the date (if and when the baby ever even meets one) has to start out being anything more than a friend of mommy. Just like I am. Or Daughter is. But maybe I heard wrong.

And I certainly wonder what Daughter would do. If son-in-law left. Would she spend years alone until the baby was grown and on his own? Would that be the choice she would make for her life? And if she did�.would she ever resent having made it?

The only thirdly I can think of is that at least my grandson is not being withheld. I don�t know that they will ask me to babysit again, but if I leave the gate open (which allows him to come upstairs when he wants) they do not close it.

There may come a time when Gregory wants to get to know my grandson. And there may be a time when we both say �the hell with it� and he comes here on occasion. But for now, I won�t put him in the position of being insulted, or myself in the position of being chastised again and again. I�ll keep going to his place where I find happiness, love, and genuine acceptance.

When I lived with Mr. Lucky I had a singular philosophy I repeated again and again. �If I lived alone, I would be bringing in those groceries, going to that event, fixing that hole, repairing that appliance, doing this ON MY OWN.� So I didn�t feel badly when that�s the way things went. I suppose it�s time to go back to that same philosophy. If I lived alone�.if I didn�t have family members just a few feet away�I�d be doing it ON MY OWN.

As I said � it�s just a change of attitude.

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