From the upcoming novel "Dates From Hell" Entry #2 by Gregory
__________________________________
see, the majority of men
(and women, take it from me!)
are lazy bastards..
and they have no social skills..
add in the lack of I.Q.
and the fact that 50 percent
of them shouldn't be on a dating site..
because they just broke up with someone,
or worse, they're married, and don't tell you..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here..
lemme tell you a:
"Date From Hell"
story, you'll see..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i met a gal who was
an interpreter for the U.N.
we emailed and talked on the
phone for over 2 months..
so, when we finally met, there was so
much pent-up sexual tension, it was
like a make-out session in the restaurant..
halfway through dinner,
she turns to me,
and whispers in my ear:
"..i want to take you
home.. to my place.. now!"
gregory thinks:
"you just got lucky"
or so it would seem..
instead of going to my place, which is
1/2 mile from the restaurant..
no.. she wants to go to [her] house..
o.k. what the hell..
i'm thinkin' with brain
# 2 now, you know..
so we drive about 45 minutes through
the wilds of staten island, in her car..
she opens the door to
her place, i walk in..
and there's a guy in the living room,
sitting on the couch, in his underwear..
with a tv remote in one hand,
and a beer in the other..
ok, 'mr. happy' shrinks a bit..
but i think:
"nah..
gotta be a brother..
room-mate..
something like that.."
and she says:
"oh..
don't mind him..
that's just my Husband..
he likes to watch!"
and he turns to me,
and says:
"and sometimes..
i like to take pictures!"
oooo-kayyyy..
my 'outie' turns into an 'innie'..
instantly.. 14 inch difference..
i turn..
and bolt!
after running a few blocks..
i stop..
and realize..
"hey, idiot!
i'm in staten island..
i have no god-damn idea where i am..
and it's 11:30 at night.."
so i wander all over the place..
finally find the expressway..
trying to thumb a ride from
the cars flying by at 75..
i'm about to give up, and
just walk over the bridge..
when i come upon this pizza place..
i go in, and the guys closing up..
and i beg him to call me a cab..
and he looks at me,
like i'm an alien, and says:
"this is staten island..
there's no freakin' cabs!"
so, i tell him what's
just happened to me..
and he bursts out laughing..!
and he promises to give me a
ride home, if i tell him all the 'details"
(a guy thing)
so, i do..
and when we get to my front door..
i say to him:
"i owe you one, buddy..
anything you want,
just name it.."
and he says:
"what's her phone number?"
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