There are two, in this maze of Match.com connections. Bike Rider - calm, steady, reliable and real,
and Bastardo Romantico (tm) - the frighteningly far too much like Gabriel one.
The others are thus far just, well, Others.
I was to see Bike Rider last night. And I knew what he might wish would happen, although he didn't say. Around noon my stomach began to hurt, and cramp and I couldn't stand. I waited to cancel, and when I finally called I literally tossed the phone away and threw up. And I felt better. And because I didn't want him to think I was standing him up for something else I asked him to call me later - and he did and everything was fine.
And much later, long past nighty night time, Bastardo called. And four hours later we finally hung up. There was an instantaneous connection that first date and I don't believe in those anymore. And he fits me, and I fit him, and I don't believe in that anymore. And he says things and hints of futures I don't believe in anymore. And part of me wants to run far far away because I don't want to feel like that again. And the other part wants to stay. At least for a little while.
And I thought of what to say here...about him....to remember him when he is gone. And so...
Dear Diary:
You want to know of Bastardo.....
he of the late night idylls
And the tangled webs
he is profoundly disturbing
yet touches my soul in the rarest way
he sees inside me
(and how he does is the mystery)
i think he cannot see the holes
(or chooses not to)
for his sight is on what's there
not what's not there.
i think. (i dream.)
and in not seeing
(or not caring)
he becomes one with me
for that instant in his Time.
perhaps it is this simple -
his holes are where i am
and my holes where he is.
one plus one equals One.
(for that instant in his Time.)
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