When I�m not sure what to do, I�ve always sought the advice of others.
I�ve always been willing to hear it.
I want to hear it.
Take it in. Consider it. Ponder it. Contemplate it. Incorporate it.
Before I make my decision.
I always hear it.
But I don�t think I listen to it.
And there comes a time when you need to listen.
Really.
Especially when those friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, and on-line buddies are all giving you the same advice.
Take the Gabriel advice, for instance (oh, you remember Gabriel don�t you? The �I will love you until the end of time, I will never leave you, we�ll be together forever as soon as�� excuse of a man who disappeared one day without a word Gabriel). The Gabriel my friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances and on-line buddies warned me about over and over again.
But of course they couldn�t be right. They didn�t know him like I did. They didn�t hear what I heard, see what I saw, feel what I felt. They didn�t understand. They just didn�t get it. They had to be wrong.
And, of course, they weren�t.
And why didn�t I listen.
Why don�t any of us listen?
After all, those friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances and on-line buddies don�t have a hidden agenda. They aren�t trying to pry us away from something that is obviously good for us. They are not trying to trivialize a relationship that is healthy. So why do we / did I / hang on, or stay on, as long as we do? Why don�t we give all the Gabriels, the Bastards, and the Mr. Lucky�s of the world a big kick in the ass?
I had dinner tonight with some friends I hadn�t seen in a long time. Not since I was sick. And in filling them in, and watching them nod sagely with a kind of sad we told you so expression, I wondered why I didn�t take their advice. Why we never take the advice.
I think it is because living with the little pain that is there every day is easier to handle than the massive heart breaking gut wrenching never ending pain of taking all that advice and walking away.
Doing nothing means I can get up each morning believing that today everything is going to ok. Today it won�t hurt. Today it will be different. Today I will be able to say to all the friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances and on-line buddies �See, you were wrong.�
Yes. The everyday little pain is always easier than the big pain. The left pain. The alone pain. The he never really wanted us at all pain. The pain of all the lies and all the times we believed them and all the walls we let fall and the trust we entrusted and the pieces of our hearts we gave away.
But in the long run easier isn�t smarter. Or wiser. Or better for us.
So let me give you some advice. From a friend.
Don�t just hear the words. Listen.
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