Dear Ben,
On-line quizzes are very popular. So here is the semi-famous relationship test based loosely on the book, Are You the One For Me�.
You should probably read this one carefully - just mark the answer letters on a piece of paper and add them up at the end.
1. Are you in love with your partner�s potential?
a. What potential. She�s always going to be lost. She needs a good therapist.
b. She has great potential, and she has grown a lot over the years. Someday she will be the person I see in her.
c. She�s pretty darn healthy. Sometimes she even teaches me something about myself. I�m proud of the changes she�s made.
d. She�s as healthy as most of the people I know and continually makes improvements. I like who she is.
2. Are you on a rescue mission?
a. And the girl does seem to need rescuing. Always in a toxic relationship and this one�s no different.
b. Her current relationship isn�t very healthy for her, but it looks like she recognizes it. As a friend, I�m really encouraging her to seek outside help.
c. She is aware of her situation and is really working on changing it. I really care about the outcome and I don�t mind her asking for occasional advice.
d. She may not be in the best situation, but she�s not broke and doesn�t need fixing. I care enough to be her friend f she wants to talk.
3. Is compatibility an issue?
a. And how. Religion and co-dependency are huge issues that will never be resolved.
b. There are certainly issues, but friends don�t have to resolve them. They just steer the conversation in another direction.
c. All lovers have issues. Healthy people learn how to handle their differences and compromise on common ground.
d. The great thing about love is that it pre-supposes acceptance of another person�s point of view without judgment. The discussions will certainly be lively!!
4. Is this just a rebellion against the norm?
a. The sex is fantastic and it�s exciting knowing she is open for anything. I don�t get the same kind of thrill with other sexual partners.
b. We give each other something we don�t give anyone else. It�s overwhelmingly exciting to visit that place every once in a while.
c. When we get together there is something I just can�t put my finger on. There�s an electric charge between us I just can�t explain. And I don�t want to lose it.
d. Life strings have bound us together for so many years and she still makes me feel the way she did the first time. I want to walk down the boulevard holding hands with her at 95 � feeling that feeling.
5. Is this a reaction to your previous relationship(s)?
a. Our previous relationships were lousy. Everything about this is better.
b. Neither of us have had any really great relationships, but we don�t need each other to validate our lovability. We just love spending time with each other.
c. The past is the past. Each relationship gives us something and teaches us something. We are working to understand that and not bring our baggage with us.
d. I hope what we�ve each learned has brought enlightenment and understanding. There is only the past, the present and the perhaps, and the love that passes through us on the way.
6. Is your partner unavailable?
a. Yes. We are both physically and emotionally unavailable for each other. And that�s ok.
b. Yes and no. We don�t live in the same city, but we will probably always be good friends.
c. No. While we don�t live in the same city yet, she can travel here occasionally to indulge our every fantasy and will probably move here so we can continue to enjoy each other.
d. No. While we don�t live in the same city yet, we both have the emotional availability to explore our relationship possibilities until she arrives.
7. Was it just infatuation? If the geography allowed it would you:
a. Get together at least once a year and talk at least once a month. And I�d forward the occasional email.
b. Get physical every couple of months, and keep in touch by email and telephone every couple of weeks.
c. Get together when we both have time. I look forward to her moving here so we can spend more time together. and leave all the possibilities open.
d. Have every intention of seeing her as often as possible and leaving all the possibilities open. It will be nice to see where this could go.
8. Does she care more about you than you do about her?
a. The reality is that I just don�t feel that way about her anymore and never will. I wish she would just get over it.
b. I enjoy the time we spend together, and the sex is fantastic, but she�s definitely not The One and never will be. That doesn�t mean I don�t want to be friends and occasional lovers until The One comes along for both of us.
c. She might be The One, but I want to do some more personal work before looking at that possibility. We can explore the options when she gets here.
d. She is very probably The One and I�m looking forward to her moving nearby to take the chance. I should probably ask her not to give up on us in the meantime because she means the world to me and I don�t treat her very well.
Now total your points:
A = 1 pt B = 2 pts C = 3 pts D = 4 pts
0-8 � What relationship. There�s no relationship, it�s her fantasy. Why don�t you set her straight with clear language so she can look for someone who really wants her? If the sex is that good she probably likes it too, so until she finds him, you�ll always have more than the annual Christmas card!
9-16 � You�re kidding her and you are hurting her. How about coming clean and get out the emotional scissors. She is settling for crumbs and pretending it�s enough because you keep stringing her along. There's nothing wrong with a sex buddy relationship, but you should both be in on the joke.
17-24 � You are emotionally lazy. I suspect you want a lot more out of this relationship than you are willing to admit. Speak up before it�s too late and you lose her forever to someone who has the courage to ask for what they want. There's at least one man waiting in the wings hoping to take your place.
25-32 � There is a huge relationship potential here, even if you haven�t told her. What are you waiting for? There is never going to be a perfect time to ask for what you want. Life is short, treat every single day as if it is the beginning of your last year on earth. You are a fool if you let this one get away.
A&F
Anna
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