When I met Bastardo it was as if we had known each other forever. Every word he spoke I understood. Everything he felt I felt it too. Even now, this very instant, there is an invisible tether between our souls. Maybe we met twenty years too late. After too many heartaches. Too much disappointment in too many other relationships for him to appreciate what it really meant.
When he told me we were through I felt a spurt of ice, like I�d been stabbed. It started in my heart and spread through my body until my teeth chattered. I was dying because everything I knew was dying and it�s gone on for days, and weeks and months. A door slammed shut never to be opened again.
I still feel like a plant ripped up by the roots. Is this how newborn babies feel? Bewildered and disoriented. Helpless? It�s such a struggle to stay in touch with the world and send down new roots. There are times I seem barely tethered and feel how easy it would be just to let go like a balloon and sail away.
Even now, after knowing everything I know. Knowing of the infidelities he didn�t tell me and the lies he did. Knowing that when he insulted and abused me for any unsolicited email, phone call, or LinkedIn invitation from any old friend or co-worker he was, all along, with others and lying about it. Wondering if anything he ever said to me of love and the desire for our forever life was real. And still desperately needing to believe it was.
It is said that some lives are linked across time, connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages. I want to believe it. I want to believe there is a destiny for us � if not in this life, then in the next. And when we find each other again, as we surely will, it will be � at last � until the end of time, and beyond.
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