The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.- Carl Jung
As a business process consultant, one of the things I do every day is manage expectations. I work with companies who need to make changes to better manage their business
At the beginning of a project, I sit down in a big room with the members of their team and listen to everything they want, which is always more than just software can accomplish. Because they typically want it all - without going through the change process, without modifying their company culture, without investing their own time, and without spending any money. It is my job to balance what they want with what they are willing to do to get it.
It is also my job to introduce the end results of the project to the employees and get them to become partners in its success. Which is the hardest part. Because every project means change and change is frightening. Change is distracting and requires a lot of time and attention. It means learning new tasks and new attitudes. And even though they may agree to invest everything that is needed, most of these new �partners� are more concerned with their own daily workload than a project that comes with change attached to it.
It occurs to me relationships are fraught with the same issues.
First we see if we are compatible. Through a series of communications and meetings we determine some goals. We start exploring the terms of an agreement. And we begin working on a life project.
At some point we are introduced to the other members of the team � parents, relatives, children and siblings, all of whom have their own ideas about what constitutes a good relationship for their son, daughter, mother, father, sister or brother. Even the most confident individual is filled with trepidation wondering, �Will they like me, will they give me a chance, will they accept me?� Just like a good business relationship, our partner champions our cause and, even if we don�t pass all the tests, the relationship survives.
And whether or not the team accepts the inevitability of the relationship, once both partners agree to move forward, it becomes time to manage expectations. Just like my corporate clients, time has to be found to incorporate change. A relationship doesn�t erase the need to work, to handle family matters, and to keep up personal interests and hobbies. And for an already overly busy individual, it can be almost impossible to find the additional time, and energy, it takes to nurture a new relationship � especially when everyday obligations threaten to overwhelm us.
And just like my corporate clients, when one of the partners feels left out of the process, it is a recipe for failure.
Perhaps this failure to manage expectations is why many 21st century relationships fail. We go into it hoping to get everything we want, without going through a change process, without modifying our culture, without investing our own time, and without spending any money. We fail to consider the changes we need to make to accommodate the new person and make them feel welcome in our lives and by our team.
I tell my corporate clients the first step to a successful project is to ask their employee partners �What do you need?� And when they meet those needs change comes about naturally.
I suggest we ask our �life� partners the same question � � What do you need? � - then listen.
Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.~~Caroline Schoeder
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