We had a particularly romantic evening on an extremely rare Friday night together (he is usually working). It was raining cows and donkeys so we opted to stay in bed, watch old movies, wolf down pizza, and do the hot monkey sex thing from time to time until morning.
At some point, somewhere after a singularly explosive completion, and between a waking sleeping moment, Bastardo whispered in my ear, "What do you want?"
My immediate response was "more time with you", which is true...but even with our overlapping work/sleep schedules, time can be easily manipulated. So Saturday morning, after I got home, I sent him the real answer to the real question he was asking.
I believe you cannot choose to love without choosing to trust. And trust is not earned so much as it is lost. So what do I want? I want to forget the meaning of the word "impossible". I want a mutual and defining trust. And I want honesty.The KISS principle, see? All the possibilities, the trust, and the truth between us.
And yet, the relationship may well be forced into a premature end. Oh, not because of anything between US, but between me and my family. You see, I have been given a choice.
My daughter, her family, and I all live in the same house together (albeit on different floors). And they do not like Bastardo. Now we are not talking about a �not fond of� we�re talking about a �hate his guts and hope to die� dislike. A dislike so great that when he came home with me two weeks ago (a rarity - we usually go to his place...the noise you know....) and we went down to the first level to sit at the only table in the entire house (my apartment is SMALL) to eat our dinner, my son-in-law turned his back, muttered imprecations under his breath and left the house when Bastardo walked over to shake his hand.
Why you ask? When I first met Bastardo my son-in-law Googled his name and found a less than flattering document posted on the internet which is part of a pending legal case. Yes, he had already told me about it, and no the case is not about anything we would say eeeewwww to. (and no, it won�t be removed until the case is over...he and his attorney have tried.) My son-in-law immediately showed the document to me and since I�d known Bastardo less than 3 weeks it was disheartening to read details I didn�t know about � especially after Gabriel's utter and absolute betrayal.
So I cried. Son-in-law comforted. And instead of telling me it was none of my business, Bastardo chose to fully and completely explain, in detail, which I then told son-in-law. Who didn�t care. He has chosen to dislike someone from something he found on the internet, rather than sit down, get to know the person, hear the whole story and judge from the facts.
Now it�s three months later and, despite Bastardo and I having become extremely close (and him being nothing but polite and kind to both of them), nothing has changed.
In my daughter�s words, �You�ve always made bad choices in men. This is just another one. And I�m not having my family exposed to another of your bad choices.� And a few other lovely insults.
Well.
And here I thought we�d resolved the whole �I know I wasn�t an All-American Wonder Bread mom but I really tried my best and you turned out pretty good� thing a long time ago.
So she gave me an ultimatum. Him. Or her. And based on the resounding �NO� I got from my son-in-law this morning when I asked if my grandson could go shopping with me, I guess that includes the baby as well.
I could reason that my family has each other. They are grown with their own lives. Even my grandson will grow up and be on his own someday. I am only a peripheral to their unit. But they are still family, so why isn�t the choice simple? How can I stay with someone who may well leave me in two months, or six months, or a year, and lose them. And how am I to choose them and leave someone that may have held my hand forever.
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