While in Florida last Friday, I went with my best friend Bobbi to cheer on her bowling league, and to confirm that one of her teammates was joining us for a St. Pat's night out at a local place that played oldies (well, oldies in his mind - as he is 10 years younger than us)
The diversion was welcome, as I had not talked to Gabriel for several days and the sudden silence left me feeling disconnected. My tortured mind actually wanted it to be because of something I said, or didn't say � and not the reason I feared. But there was no way to know.
Despite his assurances, her friend never showed up. Which made Bobbi feel unappreciated, sad, and a little angry. She was interested in him, you know, and he had simply proved to be another prick. So there we were � she thinking of hers and me thinking of mine - both of us in the saddest of moods attempting to smile and be extra especially supportive of the other. Even the house band's rendition of "Celebration" didn't cheer us up (and we always laugh hysterically at that).
She left for the restroom and I stared absently at the tabletop fingering the locket that holds my Angel�s photo, searching for some sign of his presence in my mind. Without warning, a long-stemmed red rose was laid on the table in front of me with a whisper in my ear from the flower girl �This is from your Love".
I looked at it, my heart pounding in my chest. I could not speak. I could not breathe or catch my breath. I could barely see for the tears coursing down my cheeks. Uncontrollable sobs shook my shoulders. What part of a hidden reality did this cryptic message contain?
When my girlfriend returned to the table she denied her involvement at first, then looked at my stricken face and instantly apologized. She thought it would make me feel better. The thing is, the words were supposed to be "Don't worry. Remember he loves you�. The flower girl had simply created her own interpretation.
When Gabriel was able to call me, I asked about Friday night. �It was a very hard night,� he replied, a night when thoughts of me were far overshadowed by other matters.
But I believe the words of the flower girl were the right ones, after all, because they reminded me to stop second-guessing and trust him. To draw on my inner courage and, instead of needing something from him, think of the love he has always given me and send the strength of it back. And in our relationship thinking is the same as being there for each other, which means even if he didn't know it, some part of me was with him when he needed it most.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;
loving someone deeply gives you courage.
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