My Favorite Store

2006-04-29
7:41 p.m.

My favorite store is......

wait for it.....

Wait for it....

Home Depot.

I know, you thought I was going to say Victoria�s Secret weren�t you?

I go through Home Depot�s hallowed glass doors and there it is. Row upon row of shiny sharp and screwy things, long swirly dowely rods, angly irons, electricalfied wiries, tensile tin, shiny lighties, and pretty pointy posts. (Yes, Hissy darling, a veritable orgiastic heaven.)

Delectable aromas of oak, and pine, and tar, and resin and sawdust, and paint and stain assail my senses while the sugarplum visions of row upon row of plankety planks just waiting to be sawed, routered, nailed, screwed and glued dance before my eyes.

Reciprocating saws, cordless drills, perfect hole presses, biscuit joiners, lathes, and planers, jiggly, wiggly power tools entice my sweet caresses.

Teethy saws, clawy hammers, pliable pliers, wrenching wrenches, sockety sockets, laserly levels beckon to me and, as an every day is my birthday bonus, there are aisles and aisles of hunky men who use all those wonderful tools and are happy to give advice on almost anything.

When I got the �what do you want to buy yourself for Christmas� three years ago, I headed straight to Home Depot for my very own gorgeous, big bladed table saw. Feeling lucky, I asked for a router and table for my birthday three months later. WHOOPPEEE!!

And lest you think I�m losing touch, VS really IS my second favorite store.

PS: Yes, all those lovely tools in the previous pix are MINE, MINE, MINE. And see that workbench? Someone tell me why, when a hammer is required for a little household task, he can never find one!!

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