Lies and Mirrors

2007-11-20
5:42 p.m.

I never believed in Heaven. And Hell is Life on Earth. But I believed in Angels.

Until now.

Two and a half years ago he wrote me, or perhaps I wrote him. But he called first. After hundreds of hours talking, and thousands of written words I knew. I loved him. He�d already said it but, as usual, I was slower to trust.

Too much history, too many times when I love you just meant �until I don�t.�

I�d found the other flirtations. The ones he assured me were just �playing�. And I trusted him anyway.

Two years ago I was looking forward to the greatest Thanksgiving of my life. After three false starts, we would finally meet. He would look into my eyes and see my soul, touch my hand, push my hair from my eyes. And in respect for my living situation it would be all proper, and never alone. But a start. And I trusted him.

We didn�t, of course. Not that time, or the next, or the next. Not after all the I love you�s. Not after all the You are my only Love, the one I want to Spend my Life with. Not after all the plans, and the promises, he made for our future together.

Maybe he caved in to the friends and family members. He had given them access to DLand, you see, and I no longer met with their approval. Perhaps I was just an experiment, a summer laugh that had gone on too long. Are the pictures posted somewhere I haven�t yet found? Were the emails shared with his buddies or simply deleted unread. Or was I secretly being used as rich fodder for a someday script.

I trusted him. Even when I couldn�t find anything solid about him and he assured me he was just private (stalkers you know). Even though eventually, after I laughingly said I�d seen his home from Google Earth, he called me one too. Even after he blamed me, and my DLand writings, for all his life�s disasters.

Lies and Mirrors.

And just as I never got that meeting, I�ll never know why he left without a word. The final email said he would never leave. The final call was to say he loved me. But he didn�t even stay around until the treatments were complete.

Even Mr. Lucky did that.

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