THE ID (�It�): functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind. The Id mind is all want want want. The Id is the primitive mind. It contains all the basic needs and feelings. It is the source for libido (psychic energy). And it has only one rule - the �pleasure principle�: �I want it and I want it all now�. It is equivalent to the �child� in the theory of Transactional Analysis.
Communication about tough subjects is hard for Anna. Really. Things escalate. Her feelings get hurt, so she jabs back, and they get defensive, and she gets mad because they don�t understand, and they get madder and so the spiral goes. Years ago, when the subject matter was particularly difficult, or when she knew any discussion would be ripe for misinterpretation, accusations or even physical recriminations, she took to writing letters. Sometimes she would write six or seven versions, editing, changing, updating. The pre-computer hand writing process could take hours, or even days, so she would often have a different perspective by the time the letter was ready to deliver. And it would, likely as not, go in the trash instead of in the mailbox, or on the pillow.
Along came email, the instantaneous ability to state a case, defend an action, or make a decision. Or send a love letter. Or be a petulant brat. The sheer effort of writing a letter, editing it, addressing the envelope, affixing the stamp and walking it to the mailbox forces one to consider carefully �how important is it in the scheme of things�. Thus, as in letter writing, she still takes the edit time � because it is far too easy to click �Send� in an emotional moment when, if she had just waited a few days, she would have clicked �Delete� instead.
Those of you who have been here for a while know about Gabriel, and know that it is a long distance relationship which will not come together until February. Anna could not be happier with how far they have come. He is a considerate, intelligent, open, understanding, remarkably multi-talented generous man and Anna knows how extraordinarily lucky she is that he found her. But sometimes, just sometimes, when he is extremely busy with his work, or Mr. Lucky has been particularly difficult, or when He feels especially far away in the wee hours of a moonlit night, she writes a letter.
Mostly about how it feels to have so many senses left unfulfilled. Because they can�t make dinner together, then sit across the table and talk about their day. They don�t make plans for tomorrow, or the weekend, or next month, or an upcoming holiday. They aren�t going to see a movie, or watch TV, or meet friends or family. They aren�t going to pile in the car laughing, then experience the excitement and emotions of a special event. They will not be holding hands as they stroll down the Boardwalk on a Sunday afternoon. She can�t watch him as he drinks his coffee or takes a shower, or reads the paper. She has never been cuddled in the big comfy chair, her head on his shoulder, as he tells her how much he loves her.
Don�t misunderstand. Anna and Gabriel talk. They talk a lot. They spend hours learning what each other is willing, or has the time, to share � and just like people who date, they put a good �spin� on their words. (and yes, there has been more than one instance when Anna lost control of her �inner Child� and believe me, Gabriel has displayed the infinite patience of an angel.) Even so, sometimes she hangs up wondering, was he sad today? Tired? Happy? Satisfied? Irritated? How worried was he really when he said Don�t Worry. Chocolate or vanilla. Sunset or sunrise. Potato chips or Fritos. Favorite book, actor, play, philosopher.
And does he really understand what it takes, on a day like today, to sit here and wait for a call instead of driving to the airport?
At least there are the emails. They are the goodnight kiss at the end of the day. The arms that surround her in the morning as she stretches awake. They are the only I Love You's that can be seen, and touched, and held. Yes, there are the emails.
People have important things to communicate. Speaking from your heart allows the emotionally difficult, the ordinary, and the wonderful to be communicated and received.
~~ David and Bruce McArthur, �The Intelligent Heart�The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand is to listen.
~~Ralph Nichols
 |
| Get Your Own Map | View Larger Map |